Homer (Robert Fitzgerald, translator), "The Odyssey"
(This is part 15 of an 18-part story, which begins here. Part 5 is here. And here is where you find part 10. And the end of this entirely too long story is located here. After that, you�re on your own.)
Can it be any more of a coincidence that right before I put this book down I had just finished the scene with the Sirens? And now, less than two hours later, I�m surrounded by seven women bouncing about in a wading pool underneath a huge waterfall who keep grabbing and playfully pushing each other underneath the water? Go ahead, untie me from the mast and let me stay here for all eternity!
It didn�t take long before I had stripped off my boots and dived into the water, jagged rocks be damned.
But I can�t oversell what was happening. Three guys came down the mountainside soon afterward, only to be followed by two parental types and all of these people were obviously in the same group. But I barely notice. The waterfall is cool and refreshing, the area has no bugs, and parents and (supposed) boyfriends or no, there is no changing the fact that there are seven � SEVEN! � women frolicking underneath a waterfall with me.
But it wasn�t long before they left and we once again had the falls to ourselves. And it just wasn�t the same, so we soon left as well. Deciding to take a different route back, we trudge along a lower trail. But eventually the trail disappears, and we�re trying to make our way up the side of a mountain face, hanging onto loose roots as we try and keep our footing. I can�t help but remember that my guide is the same person who was with my father on the last hike that essentially crippled him.
Further up the �trail,� I think we both knew very well that we were lost. We were following crushed growth that was more likely caused by wild boar than anything human. And that�s when it started to rain. That�s fine, I�m used to rain in Hawaii. Rain in Hawaii usually lasts for no more than five minutes, coming fast and strong. Then it stops, and it�s back to pleasant (if muggy) 82 degree weather.
Except the rain didn�t stop. In fact, it came so hard, so fast, and so long, that I honestly believe that I was wetter than I was when I was swimming in the tide pool. Finally we were both willing to admit that we were lost, and decided to turn back to see where we had lost the trail.
The rain cleared away the mosquitoes, but they had brought out a new life form:
Toads.
Big ugly toads. They were everywhere, leaping out of our way with every step. Have you seen the movie Magnolia? It was similar to that. It was the Second Coming of Moses� plague against the Pharaohs. How could there be so many toads out now, when only an hour earlier I was being eaten alive by mosquitoes? This is a balance of nature?
Estimating how long it had been since we had first lost sight of the trail, I think the rains started at precisely the exact moment that the girls in the bikinis had reached their vehicle. After all, the rain wouldn�t dare fall on the beautiful people. But at least it finally stopped. And though the river is definitely higher then when we first crossed, we find the spot where we went wrong and manage to cross without being swept downstream.
My boots, made by the good people with the U.S. Army of Engineers, are now filled with water that has no way to escape. Every step I take sounds like a duck being hit with a rubber strap in some weird duck bondage fetish party.
But we escape finally escape the toads, whereupon the mosquitoes decide it�s safe to return. And feed on us.
When we get back home I buy some bloody mary mix, pour myself a tall drink and finish The Odyssey, which I finally got used to the lyrical layout (though I still haven�t figured out what possible metrical scale Homer was using).
It�s been a good day.
