Thomas Pynchon, �The Crying of Lot 49�
Okay, first off, this book didn�t get the attention it deserved � I admit that. I read most of this at a bench at school, and I was constantly interrupted. One guy came up while I was reading, saying he was doing a project about religion for school about religion and needed to interview people.
Well, it soon became apparent there was no fucking assignment and he was simply trying to convert people, armed by those Jack Chick comics. We debated for nearly 30 minutes.
I won. Three hours and two classes later, I was trying to restart the novel when I was kept hearing a voice to my right.
�Miss? Miss? Miss, would you like to buy a coupon book to help missing children? Excuse me, miss?�
This went on for at least a minute, loud enough for me to hear through my headphones that were blaring Anti-schism. I finally looked up to see whom this person was assaulting � and saw this little old lady holding a coupon book out to me.
�Oh, I�m sorry!� she said when I turned to her. �I thought you were a lady! I couldn�t see your face!�
I�ve seen this woman numerous times over the past six months, and I always give her the same answer: No. She always gives me the same response:
�But,� she says, �it�s for children.�
And I always give her the same response to her response, saying, �I don�t like children.�
Normally that�s enough to get her to walk away. Not this time. This time she was pissed. �It�s not the children�s fault!� she screamed at me, eyes bulging wide. �The children are born innocent! They are born without sin!�
By this time I was sick of debating sin. �Whaddya mean they�re born innocent?� I yelled back. �Children are born out of the so-called original sin!�
�That�s the parents fault, not the children!� She actually leaned in close to me, and this lady doesn�t seem to be more than three feet high. �And we�re trying to help them!�
�How the fuck are you gonna help them if they�re missing?!?� I screamed back. �Besides, did you ever think that some of these missing children are missing for a reason? Maybe they�re running away from parents that are abusive or incestuous? You ever think of that?�
�We�re helping them!!! And you should help them too!�
�I told you, I don�t like children! Besides, how the fuck am I helping them by getting 25 cents off a sandwich at Subway?�
The lady grabbed my book and threw it to the ground, trotting away on her short little legs, still screaming at me over her shoulder as she ran away.
I gave up reading.
Two days later, I restarted the book. Still at my normal bench on campus, this time a cute punk girl approached me and hit me up for a cigarette. It soon became obvious that she was hitting on me as well.
Thinking about it later, I marveled on how well she cajoled information out of me in a nonchalant manner. She mentioned things in passing and it was only later that I realized she was using these stories to show her personality and lifestyle, without the awkward coaxing one normally has to go through. For instance, from our too-brief conversation, I learned that she was at least 21, had a penchant for beer, thought our �president� was a moron, was working toward a career in the nursing field, and was new in town having just transferred from Santa Cruz University.
Unfortunately, I had to cut the conversation short in order to go to class, and in thinking about what had just transpired forgot everything in the first 50 pages I had read. I started over, yet again.
I finished the book up today with little to no interruption, though the last 50 pages were read while two of my friends watched MST3K�s �The Sidehackers� in the same room, which divided my attention.
One jacket blurb for this book says this is �A puzzle, an intrigue, a literary and historical tour de force with a strongly European flavor.� I have been in the wrong situations for a puzzle or an intrigue, much less a historical tour de force, and it doesn�t help matters that every character has an unpronounceable name.
I just didn�t get it. I was into the first 50 pages, but perhaps that was only because I read those pages three times. By the time I finally reached the end, that�s all I was looking forward to.
