Rev. Ivan Stang (ed.) �Three-Fisted Tales of �Bob� � Short Stories in the SubGenius Mythos�
There�s a problem with trying to review this book. According to SLACK doctrine, those who talk about the benefits and perils of SLACK are, most likely, those of the Pink variety at least, or members of the Con. But then again, those who have SLACK are supposed, nay, required to encourage the rest of the populace, pink or nonpink, to tithe to the cause of �Bob,� which would be easily done if you — yes, you, little pink — buy this book! Buy the HELL out of it!
Worse, what if I was to say that this book was only sporadically amusing? The highpoint comes from a story where �Bob� needs to take an oral exam from �God� in order to renew his deity test, which goes like this:
Q: To whom is all religious, moral, political, scientific and artistic preaching directed?
A: The converted.
Q: What�s the requirement for a prophet?
A: A mouth.
Anyway, wouldn�t I then be guilty of one of the highest orders of the SubGenii, that of FUCK �EM IF THEY CAN�T TAKE A JOKE?
Or perhaps I can talk about my recent Easter excursion into family land. I have two second cousins, ages of 12 and 8. The 8-year-old girl used to be pretty shy, but she�s grown bold lately. So there I sat, reading the HELL out of the newspaper, when I feel her eyes staring at me. I lowered the paper to meet her gaze.
�What are you doing?� she asked in an incredulous voice.
�I�m reading the newspaper,� I replied.
�Why?�
�Because if you don�t know what�s going on in the world, you don�t have the right to an opinion,� I answered evenly. (I refuse to talk down to kids, which is probably why these kids usually leave me alone.)
She paused for a minute, mulling over what I said, then finally spoke up again. �That�s why we have television.�
I stared at her coolly for a minute. She matched my gaze.
�You know,� I said, �I�m not convinced we�re related.�
�Why do you smoke?� she asked, ignoring my statement.
�Because it makes me look cool,� I answered.
�But it doesn�t make you look cool,� she said, launching into a rehearsed speech. �It fact, it makes you look stupid, �cause smoking is stupid. It�s bad for you, and so when you smoke, you show that you don�t care about yourself. And that makes you look like an idiot.�
�Did your teacher tell you that?�
�Yeah!� she said, her face brightening.
�Let me ask you something. Do you think your teacher is cool?�
Her mouth dropped open, her eyes going vacant as she mulled this over. Then she turned and ran into the next room.
I am so lucky I don�t have any kids.
