The Monkey King's Used Primate Emporium and Book Reviews

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Horatio Alger, Jr. �Ragged Dick and Struggling Upward�

Started April 17 � Finished April 17, 2003; 295 pages. Posted 24 April 2003

Any one who�s read a fair amount of Hunter S. Thompson should be familiar with the name of Horatio Alger. Thompson is fond of repeating phrases in his writing, and not just the dreadfully overused �F & L.� (I�m not even going to say it, since he says it enough for anyone.)

But just in case you weren�t paying attention, some of these repeated phrases include, �How long, O Lord, how long?� �Swine!� and �Ye Gods!� But there was one oft-repeated phrase that always tripped me up, because it would inevitably come about when things were at their most horrible. Thompson would reflect on how much deep shit they were in and then would ask simply, �What would Horatio Alger do in these circumstances?�

Who the fuck is Horatio Alger?

In my 16-year-old na�vet�, I figured he must be some Greek mythology figure. Horatio certainly sounds Greek, after all. But I couldn�t figure out what he was supposed to represent. Chaos? Hopelessness? Massive drug intake?

Finally, I went back to school, and just in case somebody wants to say there�s nothing in school they can�t teach you on the streets, I can say that I never figured out the Horatio mystique until I took a few sociology classes. Horatio Alger was mentioned in these classes, though only in passing and with no explanation. Finally, I asked my hippie journalism teacher, who was also a Hunter Thompson fan, who the hell this guy was. She didn�t know either, but she did the research and reported back to me.

So Horatio Alger was an author who wrote more than a hundred novels, all with a common theme of a rags-to-riches character involving a young boy who owes his success to a sense of decency, clean living, and willingness to work hard. The Hunter S. Thompson references finally made sense.

Not that this made me want to read any of his books, however. But as the classes continued, the Alger references repeated themselves. I felt like I was just outside of some club. Then I took a class called �The American Dream,� and was ecstatic to see Alger on the required list of books. Then, after picking up the book, I found I had been reading the wrong syllabus. I decided to keep the book anyway.

And my god, now that I�ve finished one of his books (two actually, as this volume contained two of his stories), I can�t believe how much campy fun it is!

These two books are interchangeable, with the only real difference being in the characters� first names. In both cases, the hero is a young poor boy who maintains a sense of dignity in his station, mostly because of his honesty and hard work ethic. The antagonists involve one person who is dishonest and another who is wealthy but pompous about his status. Mixed between all of this are several sanctimonious sermons about the evils of smoking and drinking, the importance of maintaining cleanliness, and above all, respect for their elders.

It�s all so unbelievably wholesome, like those Davey and Goliath episodes. In fact, it�s so wholesome that my filthy mind started making innuendoes that weren�t there.

Take, for instance, the story �Ragged Dick,� which sounds dirty enough just with the title, in which our plucky hero is awarded a new suit and a hot meal at a fancy house after keeping his word to return change to a customer. Upon entering the house, he meets his benefactor�s daughter, who, after learning his name, remarks that she has a cousin also named Dick. She asks our hero if he is planning to go to college.

�Because,� she says, �if you did, you�d be in the same class with my cousin. It would be funny to have two Dicks in one class.�

I swear it took five minutes for me to stop giggling.


Rating: Worth Used.

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