Eric Idle (ed), �Monty Python�s Big Red Book�
This book isn�t big, and it isn�t red. It also claims to be the �Special New Hardback Edition�, and it�s a softcover. Boy, them English boys sure are wacky.
This was quite a nice surprise. I fully expected rehashes of sketches from the show in print form and nothing else, and when I picked it up, I mentally flogged myself for paying such a high price for something that was obviously, most definitely, and totally without a doubt, going to suck.
And there are some rehashes of skits from the show, but these only cover about five pages (usually utilizing the opportunity to expand on the premise). The rest of it involves new material, much of it surpassing some of the lesser skits of Python.
I just used �much,� �some,� �lesser� and �rest� in the same sentence. If I was in Monty Python, I could expand that into an entire skit. I�m simply not that clever.
Dammit.
But there really isn�t much to say about this book, so how about me? I just had another first today � I got my first traffic citation. I stayed at a friend�s house last night and got kicked out early in the morning. Driving home from the south side, I was tooling down Monterey Road. When I approached Alma Avenue, I got the idea to turn left and take Almaden so I wouldn�t have to turn left against oncoming traffic. But, as there really wasn�t any oncoming traffic, I decided to keep going.
When I reached Virginia, my street, there was a huge semi that decided to make a right turn. This truck was so big that it swerved into the left lane, and then slowly made its way to the right to get down the narrow street.
He didn�t make it, and the next two minutes were spent with this huge truck blocking the entire intersection as he tried to maneuver his way onto Virginia. Finally, he cleared the way, just as my light had turned green for the second time. As there was no oncoming traffic, I zipped to the left and prepared to make the next right, which would put me in front of my house.
As I parked, a cop car came from behind, lights flashing. I sat in my car and waited. The cop asked me if I knew why she pulled me over. I said I didn�t.
�You can�t make a left on Virginia between 7 and 9 a.m,� she said.
Isn�t it nine o�clock now?� I asked innocently.
�No. License, registration, and proof of insurance, please.�
I handed her the documents. As she left to check me for warrants, I looked at my watch.
It was 8:57.
So she ran everything on me, but my car and myself were clean. She comes back with a ticket and shoves it in the window, looking rather disappointed. I ask where the posted sign for no turns was, and she explains that it�s �the big sign on the corner.� I say that I�m going to walk over to have a look myself. I get out of the car and slam the door just as I heard the little �Ping� that means, �Hey stupid! You�re keys are still in the ignition!� I reach back quickly. The door is locked.
So I tread back to Virginia and Monterey to see the sign. And there it was, on the right side corner � the exact spot that was blocked by the truck. I walk back to the car.
The cop had set up a new speed trap area, so I asked her if she could break into my car. She couldn�t, but offered to call a tow truck. Of course, they would require a $50 fee for their services. Not wanting to break my window, and not wanting to leave my car in plain view with keys dangling from the ignition, I agreed.
When the tow truck driver arrived, he asked me what happened and I explained. He looked at the name on the ticket and said he knew her. In fact, he said that he �couldn�t even begin to count� the number of cars he had impounded for the cops from that street alone. It soon became very obvious what the gig was.
I live in a poor area, and this cop ran every kind of check on both my car and me hoping for something to bust me on. This would then cause the car to be impounded, which would then bring more money in fees and penalties. The entire matter stunk of targeting. I suppose this is why she didn�t answer me when I asked if she wondered why people call her pig, but perhaps she thought it was a rhetorical question.
After the tow truck guy was finished jimmying my car, he stated that he felt bad for having to charge me fifty bucks for it, and offered to sell me a slim jim so I could do it myself if it happened again. I took him up on the offer. Then, as the guy showed me how to work the stick (and keep in mind, this is the guy the cop called to help me), he started talking about how great this little tool was.
�Yeah, you ever go to concerts?� he asked.
�Not really,� I said.
�Yeah, you just walk around the parking lot with this little baby, and I tell you,� he said, eyebrows raised, �you can make some serious cash.�
Since telling that story to a few people, one person noted that he might have meant that I could charge people to break into their car after they locked their keys in.
Any of you believe that�s what he meant?
Didn�t think so.
So anyway � goofy, funny stuff here in this book. I�m still not sure it was worth what I paid for it, but it was a nice change from all the serious fare I�ve read lately.
