The Monkey King's Used Primate Emporium and Book Reviews

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Jack Kerouac, �Vanity of Duluoz�

Started June 28 � Finished June 30, 2003; 268 pages. Posted 12 July 2003

WARNING: This review was written starting at 1:30 in the morning after returning from The Caravan while I was not partly, but totally in the bag. Hopefully it will make sense.

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the last Kerouac book on my shelf.

Though that�s not entirely true. I still have a biography, a collection of beat writing which I filed under Kerouac, and an anthology of his works that I�ll eventually have to trudge my way through. Still though, this is the last full-length novel by this fuck that I have to read.

And surprisingly enough, this was actually pretty good. This early autobiographical writings deal with Jack�s football and college years, the seeds of what inspired him to write in the first place, as well as his first wanderings across the country.

To tell the truth, when I finished this book I had a mild panic attack, because I couldn�t think of anything to say. And that continued until tonight. The entire book, whilst being nothing special, was collected in a rather uniform matter and the writing was good enough to keep me interested, if not enthralled. Kinda like these book reviews that I do. You continue to read, even if you�re bored, and even if they suck, as one person recently mentioned about these very reviews in the guestbook.

But there�s something that I saw in this book that I want for myself. It�s the sense of wanderlust. The sense of being able to pack up and leave when the mood strikes. Kerouac, from these musings, seemed to do that, and I�m infinitely jealous.

For two years now, I�ve been preparing to leave this fucking town, and I did it with such conviction that everybody believed it was going to happen. I told people I was going to Columbia University in New York, and they believed it. Some people who realized I hadn�t yet been accepted into the university asked if I was worried.

I wasn�t worried. I wore my hubris on my sleeve. �I�ll get in,� I said simply.

And why not? I had good grades, I had been published in several different newspapers and magazines here and overseas, and I was confident of my own ability. So I applied to Columbia, wrote my entrance essay, got the letters of recommendation and took their entrance exam.

And I didn�t get in.

It was fortuitous in a way. I wasn�t ready to leave yet, as my old college still had a few screws left for me. But, the rejection letter was a wake up call: I�m not as hot shit as I thought I was. Now, I�ve finished with the rest of the required classes at SJSU and I�m a fully accredited college graduate. Whoop-de-do.

It�s time for me to start the application process once again. And this time, I�m planning to apply to other graduate schools just in case Columbia again says no. But I still remember their first rejection letter and it stings. If I�m not as hot shit as I thought I was, what does that mean? I now can�t, with any conviction, think I can go anywhere I want to. I�m not one to handle rejection well. So I�ve thus far put off the application process. If I don�t apply, then I can�t fail.

At the same time, however, I think about my own wanderlust, my own desire to get the fuck out of this town. But I need a reason to do it. I can�t bring myself to just pack up and go. I have a job that I love, and one that pays well to boot. My friends are here, though I find myself hanging out with them less and less.

And while I can�t stand watching the stagnation of the San Jose environment, one where the only real topic of conversation revolves around who was drunk at what time and the new chrome wheels someone put on their Schwinn bicycle. But even with this, I feel a hesitance to leave. In moments of desperation, I seek out other schools in other states, and get frustrated easily by the rules, regulations, and hoops that one has to do to gain entrance. Why, for instance, is it that if Columbia is the top university for the graduate program in journalism, do I NOT need to take a GRE test, but I will if I want to go to the University of Kansas?

Not that I plan on going to the University of Kansas, but still. These tests terrify me. I haven�t taken any math courses in three years, but the GRE will want to check my proficiency in mathematics.

Worse is the thought of rejection. I still have enough confidence to think that I can get into a graduate program in journalism, but will it be one where I want to go? And where will it be? Will it have a used bookstore I can work at? Since I don�t like any kind of weather I can notice, will it be an area that ipso facto, has weather I can notice?

Scary times. Scary prospects, especially since I�ve decided that wherever I go, it NEEDS to be far away from here. And suddenly, I feel nostalgic for Kerouac�s time, where I could split if I wanted to, wherever I needed to go.

And I guess I ultimately, finally, understand what the mystique is behind Kerouac and his writings.


Rating: Worth Used.

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