Jim Thompson, �Now and On Earth�
I�ve often wondered, and sometimes asked others, if strange shit happens to everybody, and I�m just more attune to notice it, or if it is really just me. Most didn�t have an answer for the question, though some people figured it was more of a universal thing.
I disagree. I know weird, random crap happens to everybody, and I acknowledge that I may be more likely to notice, ponder, and analyze what just happened because of my journalistic training. But the really fucked up shit happens to me. I used to claim it was because God hates me and I was a bad person, but I don�t think that�s the case any longer � God simply isn�t this powerful.
Anyhoo, after all this crap with SJSU and their U grade (which hasn�t changed, and no one has recommended a good lawyer), I decided what I needed was a vacation.
My sister had already bought a ticket to visit my father in Hawaii, and, as we�ve decided that we don�t totally hate each other, thought it would be fun to go together. After all, we�ve already ganged up on my mother about the required PBS watching and the wheat germ they put on everything, so it was about time that my dad got an earful for fucking up our respective psyches.
My sister suggested I go on the same flight so I could avoid the debacle of my last year�s excursion to Hawaii. But, in the week that had passed since she had bought her tickets, her airline decided that tickets were now worth an extra 150 bucks.
Then I realized � she was leaving on September 12, and I think it�s required that if I was to fly anywhere, it should most definitely be on September 11. I started to look for cheaper flights.
Hawaiian Air had the cheapest flight. I cycled through the dates on their Web site, picking September 11 for departure and September 19 for return. Everything worked out nicely, with the plane not leaving painfully early in the morning, as my normal carrier usually does, and, most important, NOT going though the Oakland airport, which I never want to see again.
I picked my flight times, wrote down the information, checked where my transfers would go through and punched in my credit card number. I double-checked the itinerary, which all matched, and closed the window.
Ten minutes later, I received the confirmation e-mail from Hawaiian Air, checked to see that their link worked, and was about to close the e-mail account, when, by chance, I caught the subject line:
�Flight Itinerary for CARRICO, Sept 8 � Sept 16.�
What the hell? I�m not going anywhere on September eighth! I check the itinerary again. They�ve changed the dates!
This might become hard to explain, as I�m a sort of neo-luddite, but bear with me. I call the 800 number for Hawaiian Airlines. The guy on the other end of the phone says my flight is confirmed for the eighths of September. I say that�s not my flight, because I chose to fly on September 11, and their Web site somehow screwed my information. He sounds skeptical, and puts me hold forever.
While I wait, I circle through the reservation process to see how this could have happened. I type in September 11 and September 19. The reservation screen again shows me four flights leaving on September 11. But, above all the information, there is a little pull down window where you can pick another date.
My pull down window says September 8.
But still, why should that matter? The flight times and the buttons I have to press for which flight I want are all for September 11! So the guy on the phone finally comes back. I explain what is going on with their Web site. He still sounds skeptical.
He then explains, basically, that the phone reservation people and the Internet reservation people don�t hang out. So, in order to change the ticket date without a fee, I�ll need to contact their web master. He also suggested I print out a copy of the faulty itinerary so I have some �proof to my claim.�
And here�s where it gets even messier. I made these reservations at work. My work has two computers, a PC and an iMac. The iMac, which I used to make the reservations, doesn�t have a printer. So I go to the PC, which does have a printer, and run through the reservation process again.
The pull down window has the correct date of September 11.
Okay, no problem. I can save the screen on the Mac, attach it as a file to my e-mail, and print out the e-mail on the PC. For somebody who doesn�t know shit about computers, I�m a fucking genius. Except I�m apparently not, because the secure Web page won�t open for some reason when I try to send it through e-mail.
This all took place on a Saturday, and the automatic response generator says that all inquires will take two to three business days. So I decide with all the crap I�ve been through in the last two months or so, what with car problems, school problems, and now, play problems, I need to live vicariously and read about some criminals. People who shoot people are the best people of all. And the person who will deliver these people will be, without fail, Jim Thompson.
And the book turns out to be a semi-autobiographical tale of Thompson�s meager beginnings as a writer.
No criminals. No guns. No revenge stories. In fact, no violence.
Fucking Goddamn it.
