The Monkey King's Used Primate Emporium and Book Reviews

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Brad Meltzer, �Green Arrow: The Archer�s Quest�

Started August 28 � Finished August 28, 2004; 176 pages. Posted 10 October 2004

This is part six of a 25-part story about Hawaii. The story begins here. Part five is located here. Other parts you�ll have to find yourself. So there.
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Goddamn it, after all that planning, all that searching, all the hunting around just so my anal-retentive persona could have a goddamn book with every letter of the alphabet, I left two of the books I needed at The Girlfriend�s house!

She�s also just ripped her only contact lens for her left eye, and has no replacement. She tries my contact on for size � and says she can see clearer than before.

I tell you, some of the similarities between us are just spooky.

My completion-ist side in me is almost disappointed. After all, if we had to place a call to her father and get some new lenses shipped overnight, how much more trouble would it be to slip in a couple of books? But no, I�ll just have to move past the letter F and onto G. I suppose I�ll have to skip the letter H as well.

A book that began with the letter G wasn�t easy to find either, but I found this Green Arrow title two days before we left. This book was taking over right from where Kevin Smith had left off on the series, and since I had already reviewed those, why not see how it was progressing?

Uh, because it might suck?

Yeah, it might.

The Girlfriend and I get our gear ready for a hiking expedition. We load our stuff into the car, put our seatbelts on, I turn the key, and the engine cracks. And continues cranking.

Nothing else happens.

I try a few more times. The engine continues to crank, but it won�t catch. I pump the gas. Nothing changes. We try for a few more minutes, but the result is still the same.

My father took the only phone, so we find the number for the rental place and walk to a payphone. I explain the situation.

�Do you know anything about cars?� the rental owner asks over the phone.

�Well, I know that what you gave us is, in fact, a car,� I answer, �but that�s about the extent of my knowledge.�

He isn�t amused. The way Kaua�i works is that the entire center of the island is impenetrable. The rental agency is on the East Side of the island. We�re at the southern tip, about an hour away. He is reluctant to come down to look at it. Instead he suggests that we open the hood, check to make sure the wires are still connected, and try it again. He tells us to call him back in 45 minutes.

The wires under the hood are all connected as far as we can see. Of course, as the hinges for the hood are no longer connected to the hood itself, one of us has to hold it up while the other pokes around underneath it. Neither of us can find anything wrong. We go back to the house, deciding that we could both use a beer while we wait for the 45 minutes to pass.

One beer and one slightly crappy graphic novel later, we try the car once again. I turn the key. Nothing happens. I hit the dashboard again.

I�m frustrated, because I want things to go smoothly for us. The Girlfriend�s been under a lot of stress lately, and I don�t want her to have to deal with any of that while we�re here. I shut off the key and punch the dashboard for fucking up my plans. Sixty bucks more, I think to myself, Sixty lousy bucks and we�d have a nice, new car and I wouldn�t be dealing with this shit right now.

She gently tells me not to worry about it, and suggests that we go back to the pay phone to call the rental agency. I�m about to get out of the car when I decide to turn the key one more time.

And the car starts with a roar. She whoops and climbs in, and we�re off to Waimea Canyon.


Rating: Worth working in a used bookstore and getting for cheap.

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