Warren Ellis, �Come In Alone�
The Ex-Girlfriend gave me this book to read.
Hoo-boy, here we go.
Actually, I�m not going to go there, even though I just wrote about seven paragraphs. Let�s just say that I�m not a cheery happy little monkey.
You know, despite having enough notches in my bedpost to be a little embarrassed and possibly ashamed, I�m still a fucking dumbass in terms of relationships. I�ve read too many books and seen too many movies where things turn out right in the end. I�ve seen it so many times that I believe it will happen, or at least pine for it.
I�ve had all kinds of advice throughout the years as well, most of it contradicting. Everybody has their own ways of dealing with things, even me. It just turns out that my way is always the wrong one.
But I still ask advice. I asked my pink sister for help with The Ex. She said a lot of things that made sense about acting breezy and what not. My own face betrayed my feelings though, and the end result was exactly what my sister said would happen. I haven�t heard from her in a week.
Hell, I probably shouldn't be writing about it here. But I've made so many mistakes with her, what's one more?
So on the eve of New Year�s Eve, I was drinking Newcastle�s at the bar where Sexy Bartender works. Sexy Bartender has seen me through two relationships now, and I�ve seen her through two as well. It was rather busy this night, however, so after waiting and reading for nearly two hours for a chance to talk with her, I finally leaned forward.
�Ok,� I said, �quick advice time.�
�Go for it.�
�There�s this guy, we�ll call him Bill. Bill�s been informally invited to a club tonight by a girl. But Bill is feeling especially lousy today because of his ex-girlfriend. Should Bill...�
�Yes,� she interrupted.
�Yes, what?�
�Bill should go to the club. Especially if you�re Bill.�
�I�m not Bill. Bill is Bill. My name is...�
�You like how quick I answered that? How sure I sounded? How I didn�t even have to stop and think about it?�
�Yeah, but...�
�But what? Bill should go to the club. Bill should go right now!�
�Bill said he�s afraid of appearing broken.�
�Well, maybe Bill can use that angle. I know other guys that do, and it works.�
Jesus. I apparently really don�t understand women.
Anyway, Bill did go to the club. I don�t think he looked like he was broken.
But I know he felt that way.
