The Monkey King's Used Primate Emporium and Book Reviews

previous - next - random review

Jon Stewart, et al, �America (The Book): A Citizen�s Guide to Democracy Inaction�

Started January 27 � Finished January 30, 2005; 249 pages. Posted 03 March 2005

So I got dumped again.

Funny thing is, I didn�t know I was in a position to be dumped. Furthermore, this isn�t the first time that it happened.

The first time came from my hot professor. We hung out and talked enough during and between classes, so when she invited me out to drinks, I thought we were doing more of the same. Oh sure, there were times that I entertained the idea that she fancied me, but I chalked that up to seeing too many Van Halen videos with Diamond Dave.

Imagine my surprise when she sent me a Dear John letter.

�I think you and I have entertained the idea of hooking up,� she wrote, �in the raised eyebrow sense of the term. While this isn�t a �let�s just be friends letter,� I will say that our timing is off, as I�ve met someone.�

I wrote back saying thank you, and that I was of course flattered that she even entertained the notion of the two of us raising eyebrows. But of course, being a smart-ass, I noted that her letter never addressed me by name and wondered if this wasn�t some other manifestation of the rote response for letters of recommendation that professors have locked away in their wordperfect files.

She didn�t appreciate that.

More recently, I had been spending time with an old friend. Most of my friends are females, and it isn�t odd for there to be some sort of sexual tension going on, either on one side (mine) or the other (theirs � duh). Sometimes I�ve acted on those feelings. Almost every time I turn out to be wrong about my intuition, so I�ve been much better about letting things breeze about. As horny as I am, at this point I�d rather have friends.

Also, I have to admit I liked seeing regulars doing doubletakes when they saw me in a bar and I wasn't by myself.

Anyhoo, I invited this girl out for dinner, and didn�t get a response. She finally did call the next day around 6:30. I was afraid she was going to accept my offer, and I had just eaten.

And I had chili, so I certainly didn�t want to hang out with a beautiful girl.

I didn�t need to worry though, as she called to tell me that she had decided to go back to her old boyfriend.

Things clicked into place. The girl who always drank Budweiser, even when somebody else was buying, suddenly had Newcastle on the night I came over to hang out. Complements about my book. Other things that I didn�t know how to respond to for my refusal to play schoolyard games.

I didn�t know what to say, so I thanked her for her honesty and wished her luck, noting that I hoped that didn�t mean that we couldn�t hang out, as I enjoyed spending time with her. It was after I hung up that I began to think about it.

Someone else.

It�s always like that, isn�t it? There�s always someone else.

Thus if I eliminate all the people who are someone else, I won�t run into this problem in the future.

There�s the old saying of, �I wouldn�t be with you if you were the last man on earth.�

We�ll just have to see about that. Sorry guys.


Rating: Funnier than I am, but unfortunately, most of the writers are men. We�ll miss you when you�re gone.

previous - next - random review