The Monkey King's Used Primate Emporium and Book Reviews

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Madelene E. Robbins, "Daredevil: The Cutting Edge" (novelization)

Started June 22 � Finished June 24, 2005; 263 pages. Posted 10 August 2005

The other night after an Idiot Bitch practice that went horribly, the bass player announced she was hungry. There wasn�t much of a choice left by that time of night, and so we agreed on a place called Original Joe�s, simply because they were open.

I�ve been here before � they weren�t on my list of placed to go to before I left. It�s really more of a wannabe Mafia Italian restaurant. The food? fuggetaboutit.

So we�re eating and talking, and occasionally our waiter comes up to be chatty, which is the style of the joint � another reason I don�t like the place. He finally gives us our bill.

Which turns out to be somebody else�s. The one I received was at least half of the price of our tab, which was considerable. This place has the option of paying at the register, so we could conceivably get up, pay the bill, and be long gone before they realized what happened.

But I�ve worked in a restaurant before. I know that when the mistake is discovered, they�re going to make the waiter pay for the mistake. Then, for the first time, I actually looked at our waiter.

�He looks really familiar,� I said. �In fact, I think he worked at The Olive Garden when I worked there.� Checking his name on our tab, I realized it was the same guy. We didn�t like each other. In fact, I think it�s safe to say that we hated each other.

No, that�s not really true � I didn�t care two shits about him, but boy, did he hate me. He was the kind of person who felt he was better than others for some reason, and certainly didn�t like the idea of some smartass with green hair giving him orders. It probably didn�t help that he was about 23 at the time and going bald, which I would mention when he was being a jerk.

�Where the hell�s my order?� he would often say.

�It�s in the oven, Baldy,� I would answer.

One day when he was being particularly overbearing, I made some impromptu lyrics to the watered-down Italian music piped through the speakers.

Rogaine and Hair stain
They don�t work for you
You bought six months of propecia
But it hasn�t helped your �do.

�How�d you like me to come back there and kick your ass?� he said.

�You see all the knives I have back here, Baldy?� I shot back. �Take one step back here and you�re going to lose more than your hair.�

Back to the other night. When he passed again, I stopped him. �Listen Jeff,� I said, �as much as I�d rather pay this bill, I don�t really think it�s mine.�

He looked at the bill and realized his mistake. Presenting us with the proper, more expensive bill, he sat down a slice of chocolate cake in front of us to reward me for my honesty.

I fucking hate chocolate.

�Hey Jeff,� I said. �This is probably a horrible question, but didn�t you work at another restaurant about twelve years back?�

�Well, yeah, I used to work at The Olive Garden a long time ago.�

�Yeah, I thought that was you. I worked there as well.�

He looked at me closer. �Oh, you were the cook, right? I didn�t recognize you, �cause you don�t have those bangs! you�re...� he struggled to remember my name.

�Dean,� I said, �Though you wouldn�t know that. You knew me as Punker.�

�Oh yeah!� he exclaimed, shaking my hand. He then turned to the bass player. �This,� he said, �is a really good guy.�

�You don�t need to talk me up, Jeff. She already thinks I�m awesome. And we didn�t like each other, so you don�t mean it. Besides, she�s getting fifty bucks out of me for tonight...�

Pause.

�And I�m not talking about the bill for the meal.�

Yeah, it�s amazing that I�m single.

After I got home, I thought about that guy. Twelve years have passed and he�s still in this stupid town, and still working as a waiter. The entr�es at this place are about five to ten dollars higher than The Olive Garden, so I suppose he�s moving up.

So this, ladies and gentle...

Nah, screw it. This one is for the ladies.

That night was the perfect example on why I�m leaving. I�m not going to be yet another person stuck doing the same thing in the same town. And my flight leaves in five days.

But before that happens...


Rating: Worth working in a used bookstore and getting for cheap. And then getting the fuck out of here.

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