Judith Jacklin & Tino Insana, �Blues Brothers: Private�
This, my friends, is an absolutely stupid book and single-handedly shows the folly of impulse purchases simply because you like the movie from which it�s based. Designed to look like a dossier on Jake and Elwood Blues, there are pages upon pages of fake school reports, traffic violations, prison reports and psychological evaluations. Oh, and an incident report filed by the Illinois Nazis.
I hate Illinois Nazis.
There is one single redeeming factor about this book, and if you happen to come across a copy make sure it has this one thing, which is a medium-sized fold out poster which if you compare it with the film, looks spot on.
What, has it been a while since you watched The Blues Brothers? Heathen. But fine, I�ll show you what I�m talking about.
Yes, I did hang it upside-down. Why, you ask? All right, that�s it. You need to go watch the damn movie again so I don�t waste all these clever references. I�ll wait.
[...]
Ok, fine, I hung it upside-down because that�s what Ray Charles did in the film. Because you know, nothing gets a laugh more than making fun of the handicapped. As Luva once said, Fuck the blind.
But really, I can�t fathom the time and effort to make all these fake rap sheets, and they weren�t even funny. It�s not hard to make a rap sheet funny, people. I was arrested for spitting on a cop car when I was about 20. They charged me with �Discharging a liquid substance which could be nauseating to the general public.� That�s pretty funny.
But I can�t beat what I�m about to pass on.
In case you hadn't heard, Department of Homeland Security spokesman Brian J. Doyle was arrested last week for soliciting a minor through Myspace. You can read the story here.
Did you read the story? No? Why, because the Blues Brothers movie I told you to watch is so long? Well, it�s hard to choose I�m sure, because both are funny as fuck. No, I�m not saying that it�s funny that some elder, divorced man is obviously disturbed. What I do find funny is that after all the blatantly illegal activities from the Bush administration over the last six years, this is one of the few arrests that�s occurred.
So, for those of us who are tired of the current administration with their complete disregard for policy, constitutional law and ethics and yet still never find themselves in hot water, we now have a solution.
We just need more 14 year-olds.
I�ll be having my birthday party on Thursday, April 20 (Chuckle all you want, potheads), which also happens to be the night I pretend that I�m a DJ. (And yes Idiot-Milk, I�m making a list of CD�s I need if you don�t mind.) If you don�t show up, I�m going to take that as a hint that you never really liked me in the first place.
