Joe Bob Briggs, �Iron Joe Bob�
Crap. It�s almost been a year since I started this. Worse, there are only 10 books waiting for me to write about since that time.
I am officially no longer your book guru.
I blame society, of course. It�s just so easy. But seriously, it�s just dealing with words all day that makes me get home, open a book, and then put it to the side while I try yet again to beat the flight portion of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. Then there�s the fact that I have to write more than ever for the paper, averaging eight pieces a week, only four of which have bylines. When people tell me they read my article, I�m no longer joking when I answer, �You mean the entire fucking paper?�
I got the Arts and Entertainment Editor position after the rest of the staff bailed, and there was nobody left. Unfortunately, I can�t say much more than that, because others on staff have become much better at Web searching, and I don�t want to say anything incriminating.
That�s right, Hawaii finally figured out how to use Google.
Other people did as well. Remember Matthew Joseph Harrington? He found the entry, tried to put more lies up of his own (funny how his story changes from each and every entry he puts up about that incident), and then added tags. So now, Google my name and you get his �version,� complete with search tags to my school, my workplace and accusations of child molestation in Oklahoma. Almost clever I would say, except he comes off as pathetic and vindictive, and his refusing to post comments shows that he�s a coward and a liar. He�s also a sci-fi author. Feel free to search around Amazon and leave comments, or perhaps see if he�s appearing at some sweaty fanboy convention near you. Be sure to tell him I said hi.
In the meantime, I�ve had to change my modus operandi answer of �beats digging ditches!� when people discover my job is to go drink and write about it. Now I have to watch movies as well. And since we don�t have the space to cover everything, I get to pick and choose. I�ve written about the latest Hunter Thompson biography, Futurama, The Muppet Show, George Romero and The Gits documentary, just to name a few. Tomorrow, I have to watch Cinematic Titanic�s take on The Wasp Woman (for those who don�t know, Cinematic Titanic is five of the people from MST3K-yes, including Joel-doing, well, doing MST3K without the robots. The day after that I have to go to a preview to the Coen brother�s new movie. After that, I�ll have to go to a bar.
OK, but seriously, it�s a lot of work. I spent 12 hours at the office for the last two days, and like I said, I have to deal with words so much that I never get to read, much less write for this blog, and as far as I can tell, it�s only going to get worse. The one good thing about being so busy is that I never get to do anything. I live in Hawaii for fucks sake, and my feet haven�t touched sand for at least two months. But there�s something good about that. With all the work for the paper, coupled with the work at the bar, I just sent off my last payment to the credit card companies.
Well, probably not the last payment, but the three cards I own are all now completely paid off. This is no small feat. Seven years ago, I was one of those kids drowning in debt that newspapers love to write about. It was so bad that my minimum payment was all I could afford, usually about $100, and my interest was $70. Now, as of today, they�re all at $0, and they�re all sending me panicked notices saying they�ve increased my limit or offering me other incentives in the hopes to keep me on as a customer.
I almost feel like I should buy something to celebrate. And if it weren�t for the fact that I have no time to play games and the fact that I still haven�t finished Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, I�d be buying an Xbox360 and Rock Band.
But I know I�m not out of the water yet. I still have about $8,000 in student loans, and then there�s the money my mother loaned me back when I was catching up on the credit card debt at $30 a month. But seeing the panicked reaction from lenders feels kinda good, and so that Xbox is going to have to wait, Rock Band and that incredibly fun looking zombie game (just looked it up-Dead Rising) not withstanding. I�ll just have to put up with watching Coen brothers movies and MST3K a little longer.
OK, a lot longer. I�m OK with that.
