Gilbert Hernandez, �The Reticent Heart and Other Stories�
So guess who has a place to live? Yes, Luva does. And so do you. But guess who has a place to live in Hawaii?
No � it�s me, stupid. Yeesh. It�s conversations like this that make me glad I�m leaving.
I did the Craig�s List thing and for the longest time I wasn�t getting anywhere. Far too many entries seemed to be written in code. There were offers of places to live that seemed like they were saying I could stay there but only until their wife returned, and did I have any handcuffs that I�ll be bringing?
Which I do, but that�s beside the point.
I reposted the entry three times before I started getting any serious offers. Oahu is in a bit of a housing crunch, especially for students, and the offers weren�t exactly tempting. Most offers involved high rents, no smoking, long lease agreements, no parking, and must love big dogs.
Which brings us back to the whole thing about codes.
Eep!
Finally, I got an offer from some people who seemed cool, and who offered to meet over drinks. I had to decline because, well, I�m still in California. But after a few e-mails they seemed comfortable talking with me.
And then I got the message.
�Could you send us a picture? We�re trying to weed out the freaks and weirdoes.�
Oh, no.
Oh God, no...
You�ve seen my picture, yes? Ok, then. I suppose I�ll keep looking.
But I bit the bullet and sent of the picture of myself with Luva, who totally needs to keep moving further west, �cause we would make people fall over and genuflect in awe of our awesomeness. And then they�d send us medical bills, so maybe she�d better stay put.
Anyway, I sweated it out while I waited for the potential roommates to issue a cease and desist order.
They wrote back, saying the picture didn�t open, and could I try again?
I�m not the most computer literate person. Hell, I�m close to the age where I shouldn�t be able to program my VCR. I didn�t know why the picture didn�t open, as I tested it and it seemed to work fine.
If they really want to know about you and your personality, why not just send them the link to this site? I thought to myself.
Because you have a picture of a monkey drinking a beer while smoking a cigarette on the top of the page, and you talk about whiskey, punk rock, and having a rotten attitude. And breaking bones. And. And. And. These are not traits to broadcast to your potential landlord, I answered.
Chicken, said my psyche.
You�re a chicken, I shot back.
It was time for me to go to work. I wrote a quick introduction, included the link to this site, and invited them to poke around a bit. I hit the send button, then grabbed the hair around my temples and pulled, cursing myself for being an idiot, and shut the computer off. I then went to my job.
Whereupon I obsessively checked my e-mail for that cease and desist letter.
But I�m in! A big thank you to all the people who have been saying nice things about and to me in the comment section lately. I may not have sent it if it weren�t for me starting to believe the hype.
Now make with the genuflection.
