Nick Hornby, �The Polysyllabic Spree�
Whoops, somehow with all the packing, this got placed out of order. I�ll fix it eventually. Anyway...
Oh, Nick.
Nick, you bastard.
Let�s start with the cover blurb: �A hilarious and true account of one man�s struggle with the monthly tide of the books he�s bought and the books he�s been meaning to read.�
Nick, you git bastard.
Oh, it gets better. From the back:
- Nick Hornby, a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award for his music criticism, now turns his unerring gaze to books. Here, in his monthly accounts of what he�s read�along with what he bought and may one day read�Nick Hornby ably explores everything from the classic to the graphic novel, as well as poems, plays and sports-related expos�s.
Nick, you limey git ratbastard.
More that a dozen times, both through this site and in person, people suggested I collect these reviews and turn it into a book. �Yeah, sure,� I answer. �Who the hell would be interested in a collection of book reviews, particularly as it�s rare that I actually talk about the book itself?�
And I meant that. If this was an actual book review site, how many of you would actually read it? I wouldn�t. More often than not, the book was boring, I don�t really have anything to say about it, so I prattle on about things that happened in my life � some of it book related, most of it not.
Which is exactly what Nick Hornby is doing. If, for some reason, a book from these columns ever materialized, people would think I stole the idea from him. Not that I have to worry about that, but still...
That fucking limey git ratbastard tea-drinker.
Look, I�m not suggesting that Hornby somehow found this site, thought it was a neat idea, and then turned it into his monthly column for The Believer. But I will say this � I started this project on Jan. 1, 2002. He started in September of 2003.
Nick, you fucking limey git ratbastard tea-drinking football hooligan.
Not that our two projects are exactly the same. He does a monthly round-up of all that he�s covered, while I do a column for each and every book. He�s perfectly fine with abandoning a book that read poorly, while I slog through every last word.
And of course, there�s some overlap or similarities. Out of the books he�s read or bought, I�ve read eleven of them. I also reviewed eight of those here, though three were clustered together in a single entry. There�s things to relate to as well, such as when he describes how he can walk into a bookstore, usually once a week, and stay for up to four hours looking at all the titles. Yeah, that�s terrible, Nick. I�m only in a bookstore for 7 to nine hours five days a week.
You fucking limey git ratbastard tea-drinking football hooligan scumbag.
Just to add insult to injury, I picked up his book. And finished it. Less than a month later, Nick did a public appearance and reading in Menlo Park.
I went.
The reading was for his new novel, A Long Way Home. I didn�t buy it. I had enough books left on my �to read� list. (It has since come into my store, and it�s now on my hold shelf, however.) After the reading I sat to the side and read the Bruce Campbell book I bought a week earlier. When the line dwindled and the employees stopped caring who had actually purchased his book, I stepped into the line. Fifteen minutes later, I was face to face with Nick Hornby.
That fucking limey git ratbastard tea-drinking football hooligan poorly-aging scumbag.
He was seated behind a large table, out of striking range. Instead of leaping across the table like I originally planned, I told him about how I worked in a used bookstore, and had been doing the same thing since 2002. Since I had read his book and knew his pain, it seemed only appropriate that I add to his pile. I gave him a copy of my book and wrote this URL down on the title page.
He�s done one column since that meeting. My book isn�t mentioned.
That fucking dickhead limey git ratbastard tea-drinking football hooligan poorly aging bald scumbag.
Though honestly, I can�t be too angry about this. Though I�m sure he gets paid for his Believer columns, this collection has all proceeds being split between a writing center in New York for students between 8 and 18, and a London based charity for children with autism.
Of course, I don�t like children and as I bought it used, they get nothing from me.
