The Monkey King's Used Primate Emporium and Book Reviews

End of the YEAR review; 2002 - 2003

And so, 2002 has drawn to a close. Which of course, means it�s time for the year wrap up:

• Books on my to read shelf when I started this project on January 1, 2002: 209
  
• Books read in 2002: 209
  
• Number of books read between December 1 and December 31, 2002: 15
  
• Number of books left on my to read shelf: 159
  
• While writing about these books, I filled 144 pages of text, single-spaced, in 10 point type, equaling 116,136 words or 518,751 characters.

Yeah, I�m a loser.

Year-end references always have a list, though they invariably apologize for them. I think the reason they apologize is that most of these lists only mention the �big stories� and fail to concentrate on the important ones. Also, they often mention things from the last month or so, probably because of our MTV short attention span walnut-sized brains. But what the hell...

The seven best books I read last year:

• 7: Philip K. Dick, �Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?�
  This book had three strikes against it. It was made into a movie that I saw before reading the book. I read it while stranded at the Oakland airport at a time that I was furious with everyone. And to top it off, I really don�t care for science fiction. It passed all that to become one of the more fascinating works I�ve read.

• 6: Carl Bernstein and Bob Woodward, �The Final Days�
  Informative, lively, well-written, and accessible for people like myself who weren�t born when Watergate happened, this is an oft-overlooked book that is on par and possibly superior to �All The President�s Men,� and sets a standard for journalism writing that nobody is smart enough to imitate.

• 5: Douglas Adams, �The Salmon of Doubt�
  Odd, seeing how I say I don�t like science fiction, and then put two sci-fi authors on the top of my list. But Sci-fi this is not. Most posthumous releases deserve to be in the ground with the body of the author, but this was one of those few times that I was so thankful that people wouldn�t let the dead rest in peace.

• 4: Bob McCabe, �Dark Knights and Holy Fools � The Art and Films of Terry Gilliam�
  I read at least a half-dozen biography books this year dealing with either films or television shows that I like. Nearly all of them were terrible, a stunning example of how people involved with the likes of Monty Python, The Young Ones and The Prisoner are true visionaries, and how even shows as great as these can get all the life and fun sucked out of them when placed in the wrong hands. McCabe�s study on Gilliam managed to keep a respectful distance and maintain a voice of its own, all the while fulfilling the purpose of books like these � to tell you things that you want to know. Impressive and extensive work.

• 3: Tom Robbins, �Skinny Legs and All�
  The most emphatic character study of inanimate objects I have ever read. A true joy to read from start to finish.

• 2: Jackson J. Benson, �John Steinbeck, Writer�
  A lengthy, weighty, colossal work of my favorite writer of all time, clocking in at over 1,100 pages. This had every opportunity to become a chore, yet never did so. An amazingly well done biography in a field that often suffers from sensationalism, hero-worshiping, or editorializing. The fact that Benson�s work is so detailed and yet manages to avoid these traps is impressive in itself. But that alone wouldn�t put this so high on the list. The fact that his writing is so good does.

• 1: Harper Lee, �To Kill a Mockingbird�
  Lee�s book is phenomenal in every regard � haunting, lyrical, profound, quirky, charming, funny and horrifying. It�s one of those few books I�ve read that I feel I�ve missed something important in life by not reading it earlier. If you haven�t read it, you need to. If you have, but it was assigned to you in a class years ago when you hated school, you need to read it again. If I had a son, I would name him Joad. But if I had another, I would name him Atticus. And thus, I should probably not have any kids.

On the flip side, there were some pretty fucking awful things that I read, which is the kind of list everybody wants to read anyway. And so, the seven worst things are as such:

• 7: Ilan Stavans, �Bandido � Oscar �Zeta� Acosta and the Chicano Experience�
  Maybe it�s just me, but I would think it would be hard to make a biography of Hunter Thompson�s Samoan attorney dull. Stavans proved me wrong on that point, and with a vengeance. Sterile, flat, boring, and too far removed, his biography taught me a lot � of how not to write.

• 6: Ken Kesey, �Sometimes a Great Notion�
  A book so long-winded and rambling, I barely mention it in the actual review. And I didn�t feel bad about it. Lay off the acid, kesey. Oh, that�s right you did, since you just happen to be dead now.

• 5: Roman Dirge, �Something at the Window is Scratching�
  Proof that quirky art style and sense of humor does not mean it�s any good. This was so mediocre and forgettable that it wouldn�t even appeared on this list had it not been for the hate mail I received from this author. Now I think it�s not only extremely derivative and unfunny, but it�s written by a guy with an ego problem to boot.

• 4: George Perry, �Life of Python�
  When you have a very short book filled with pictures and the author still has to repeat himself several times, you begin to think that perhaps his heart wasn�t in the project. So bland that it�s not even worth writing about. Beware of outsiders bearing the Python name.

• 3: Henry Rollins, �The First Five�
  Five books that were bad enough by themselves, now released in anthology form, probably only to torture me with their sheer awfulness. If I had picked up the individual books in the first place, I would have realized after two or three that I should never, ever read Henry Rollins. Now I know. And knowing is half the battle. I have the scars to prove it.

• 2: Joseph Conrad, �Heart of Darkness/The Secret Sharer�
  Adventure stories devoid of any adventure. The horror! The horror!

• 1: Jack Kerouac, �Visions of Cody�
  I haven�t punched anybody since the year 1990. Even thinking about this book now puts me on edge. I almost took a swing at my cat just now. Not only the worst book of the year, but of ALL TIME! Okay, Steinbeck wrote some stinkers, but never has a single book made me want to purge my bookshelves of an author�s entire body of work. I still have the book though � testimonial that I can overcome any obstacle, no matter how large, how long, or how unbelievably stinky.

And now, if you�ll excuse me, I have some books to read.