Jim Thompson, �The Rip-Off�
If I had any style I would�ve used this book to talk about my own case of being ripped off, and the book on The Clash to talk about my punk-rock DJ night.
You�ve seen how I dress, yes? You shouldn�t be surprised that things worked out this way. I was at my mom�s house yesterday and noticed she�d put up a new collection from my sister�s wedding in September. I looked at the family photo portrait, featuring my sister in white wedding gown (insert snarky comment here), the groom in full monkey-suit, my mother in full fancy dress, and me.
I�m wearing a pinstriped shirt that was missing the top button, so you can see my puke-green NoMeansNo shirt underneath. I look like I crashed the event.
Anyway, my mode of dress worked out fine for spinning discs worked out fine, except for the belt on my leather jacket that hung precariously close to the turntable. I ended up taking it off.
I got to the dive bar around ten p.m. A few of my friends were already there, and immediately started asking when I was going to begin. The two people who do usually play music come from two different ends of the spectrum in terms of music. One guy has a limited amount of records, mostly collected in the late 80s and early 90s, and he plays a lot of the same stuff every week. The other guy obviously has a lot of records, but has varied tastes and consistently tries to move past the punk genre in what he plays.
And if there�s one thing punks don�t like, it�s unfamiliarity. We�re simple creatures with three chords and repeated sing-along choruses.
But I�m a little sick of these �sing-along to Misfits� tunes as well, and I worked at finding a good mix of things people knew and recognized.
I think set lists are boring, but Danny asked, so it went like this, though I�m not going to swear on the exact order:
- The Vandals, �Ladykiller�
- Iggy and the Stooges, �Search and Destroy�
- Dayglo Abortions, �Fuck, My Shit Stinks�
- Christ on a Crutch, �Fish People�
- NoMeansNo, �Joyful Reunion�
- Dead Kennedys, �I Am the Owl�
- Th� Inbred, �Positive Song�
- NoFX, �Cheese/Where�s My Slice?�
- The Hanson Brothers, �Comatose�
- The Vindictives, �This Is My Face/Circles/I�m Sick� (Smoke break)
- Victims Family, �Devon Drool�
- SNFU, �The Devil�s Voice�
- Supersuckers, �Sugie�
- Circle Jerks, �Wonderful�
- Naked Raygun, �Backlash Jack�
- D.O.A., �Fuck You�
- The Gits, �A Change is Gonna Come�
- Reagan Youth, �Degenerated�
- Toxic Reasons, �No Pity�
- Jawbreaker, �Jinx Removing�
- Crass, �Bata Motel�
- Your Mother, �Yeah, I�m Whooped/Not-So-Funny, Kinda Boring, Corny�
- Hellworms, �What�s Your Excuse?�
- Idiot Bitch, �It Seemed Like a Good Idea At the Time/Diamond Choker�
I got all the way up to Jawbreaker before I was bumped. When I first showed up, I don�t think they expected me to bring all that I did. At first, I thought I had brought enough records to play for three days straight, but I forgot that the average punk song is two minutes long. At the rate I was flying through them, I would finish before midnight hit. And there were few disasters. Only NoMeansNo and Your Mother skipped, and I don�t think anybody noticed.
The guy who doesn�t have many records loved it � he said it was the first time that he could actually hang out and talk with friends, and besides, he liked all the stuff I was playing and was sick of his own records.
But the guy with the eclectic selection got a little bored after a while, and suggested we trade off with him playing one record and me playing the next. But hearing Crass next to the Pretenders sounded a little weird, and I soon gave up the station. I went back to the bar for another cheap beer and laid my money down.
The bartender pushed my money back at me. �DJ�s get free drinks,� he said.
�This is my sixth drink!� I said. �Why the hell didn�t you mention this sooner?�
This would�ve been especially helpful to know since it was the next morning when I discovered my account had been emptied.
Anyway, the regular guys told me they wanted me to do it again, though they did mention that I may only want to bring �five or so� albums next time. I said that I�d rather they let me do it something like a monthly basis and give me an hour or so. Though if my money situation isn�t fixed soon, I�ll be doing it in order to score the free beer.
Lord knows asking you people to buy a book hasn�t worked.
Well, that�s not entirely true. Siona came into the store to get her own copy after clicking through an insane number of these reviews, so thanks to her. This girl had been in the store before, but I didn�t know her personally. But she gave me an idea.
See, behind the counter, balanced on a fire extinguisher, rests one of those plush monkeys with the Velcro hands. Guess who put that there.
Anyway, when I was looking through a pile of books one day, I found a pet guidebook from the 70s entitled Know Your Monkey. I bought it and quickly attached the Velcro arms of the monkey to hug the book, a content look resting on its simian brow.
It was a great prop. But soon after, every person wanted to purchase that book. I didn�t get it. It only worked with the prop. If we had that book on the shelves, it would sit there and stink on the shelves. But make a prop out of it, and everybody went nuts and wanted it for themselves.
There are a lot of theories about the buying habits of people that we�ve noticed. Pile books up in the corner, and people will pore through them searching for that one treasure that must be there, rather than looking on the shelves where the same book would be, and in alphabetical order.
This monkey book must follow under the same example. I wouldn�t sell it, declaring art more important than commerce. My boss doesn�t have the same respect for art, and now the book is gone. But Siona said that the book the monkey was holding wasn�t important, it�s just that the stuffed monkey had powerful magical selling skills.
�That monkey,� she said, �could sell anything.�
That monkey is now holding a copy of my book. I just hope she�s right about this.
